In this Hey Gyno! Blog: Faye kindly shares her vaginismus story about finding hope and healing through vaginismus and offers her own support to women living with the condition.
Understanding a Silent Struggle
Vaginismus is a condition that many women experience, yet very few openly talk about. It involves an involuntary tightening of the pelvic floor muscles that can make penetration painful, difficult, or impossible. For many women, it can feel confusing; the desire for intimacy may be present, but the body responds with fear, tension, or pain.
Because conversations around sex and intimacy have historically been quiet or uncomfortable, especially in Ireland, many women live with vaginismus symptoms, feeling isolated or ashamed, not even sharing the condition with close friends or family. It can become a silent struggle, carried privately for years.
This silent struggle is the main reason I founded Hey Gyno! Community online sexual wellness groups and a Vaginismus blog for women in Ireland living with vaginismus and sexual dysfunction. In 2021, having followed Dr Maria McEvoy’s research into Vaginismus in an Irish Context, I discovered that support was desperately needed in this field. Since then, I began writing the Vaginismus Series blog and hosting an online community every month, providing support, community and sexual wellness education and offering online psychosexual therapy to women living with vaginismus and common sexual conditions.
In early January 2023 — “new year, new me,” as she puts it- Faye (name changed to protect identity) began working with me in psychosexual therapy, specifically to address a range of vaginismus symptoms, including intimacy anxiety. Like many women, she arrived feeling confused about her body’s reactions. She understood desire. She understood attraction. But her body felt like it had locked a door she couldn’t open. Faye stuck with the process, which can feel slow at times, but as you will read, she never looked back.
“Having a warm, professional and deeply empathetic therapist helping me navigate my difficulties was the stepping stone towards a better, happier life.”
Faye’s story below is one of many – a personal account of recognising that struggle, reaching out for support, and finding a way forward through psychosexual therapy. Thank you, Faye, for sharing your experience with our wonderful, supportive Hey Gyno! Community readers.
Knowing Something Needed to Change
As somebody who struggled with opening up to previous partners in an intimate capacity for a good chunk of my twenties, I knew I needed support. Even though I could feel so attracted and emotionally willing to receive sexual pleasure, I had this unexplainable apprehension towards actually allowing it to happen. My mind and body just didn’t seem to be on the same page.
“Even though I could feel so attracted and emotionally willing to receive sexual pleasure, I had this unexplainable apprehension towards actually allowing it to happen.”
Where or what began that apprehension, I still can’t really pinpoint. Subliminally, there are a lot of messages in society which tell us what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, especially when it comes to sex and intimacy. I’ve had so many great friends in my life, but when I was younger, I always felt embarrassed talking about these intimate things. It just wasn’t something I felt comfortable opening up about, and over time, that silence became heavier.
Eventually, it started to feel like a weight I couldn’t carry anymore. Christmas 2022 was the point where I realised something had to change. I wanted to reach out and get support, not for anyone else’s benefit, not to appease future partners or relationships – but for me. I wanted to feel empowered in myself.
Making that decision was difficult, but it was the best thing I ever done. I have never looked back.
Beginning Psychosexual Therapy
I heard about Orlagh Reid through a podcast where a facilitator had spoken about research into vaginismus in women. Something about it resonated with me, and before long, I found myself reaching out. Suddenly, I was having my first counselling session in early January 2023 with Orlagh. New year, new me, one might say!
Working with Orlagh in psychosexual therapy, specifically for a range of vaginismus symptoms, not just physical but mental too, was the beginning of a real shift in my life. Having a warm, professional and deeply empathetic therapist helping me navigate my difficulties became the stepping stone towards a happier and more peaceful place within myself.
Of course, there were hard days and difficult moments. Therapy can feel like a looking glass – you go very deep internally and share your innermost vulnerabilities, and then you simply return to your day afterwards. At times, it felt very raw and emotional. But it was also essential for growth. I began to understand myself in ways I never had before.
Emotional Understanding and Practical Change
Something that really helped me was that the therapy didn’t immediately focus on fixing anything physically. It began with emotions, feelings and background context — understanding how I felt about intimacy, about myself, and about my past experiences.
As time went on, there was also a practical, solutions-focused approach to navigating and overcoming the mental barriers that had built up over the years. That combination made me feel empowered and, for the first time, hopeful. Orlagh encouraged me to start Pelvic Physiotherapy, and we discussed femtech and products that could support my rehab and healing journey. I took notes at every session and set myself goals to work towards.
“Therapy was like turning the key in a locked door I could never open.”
Self-compassion became incredibly important throughout the process. For so long, I couldn’t understand why I felt the way I did about intimacy. When things began to change, I realised I needed compassion for my past self, not frustration or blame. I still carry that compassion with me now. I have absolutely no regrets about seeking help. If anything, I only wish I had done it sooner.
Faye’s Message to Other Women Living with Vaginismus
If any woman is reading this feeling lost, powerless or without hope, I want you to know that there is hope. You are capable of more than you realise in this moment. So many women suffer in silence with vaginismus, but why should we? The age of repressing feelings and emotions is gone. It has never been more normalised to talk to someone, and you deserve that support.
“For anyone suffering with vaginismus, there is a way out. You are not alone. You are brave and beautiful.”
It is the best money you will spend, and you are worth every penny. I hope this gives someone reassurance, or even just a small step in the right direction. It is never too late to reach out for support. You’ve got this. And once again, I can’t thank Orlagh enough for all of her incredible support, guidance and compassion. I still check in with her from time to time to share my progress!
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
If Faye’s story resonates with you, know that support is available. The Hey Gyno! community and the Vaginismus Series Blog was created to offer women a safe, supportive space to learn, share experiences, and access professional guidance around sexual health and wellbeing.
Reaching out can feel daunting, but it is often the first step towards feeling safe, empowered, and at home in your body again. Whether through therapy, education, or community support, healing is possible, and you do not have to navigate it alone. Visit the EVENTS page to book and join the next online community group or subscribe to the Hey Gyno! Community emails.
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