Pornography, thanks to technology and social media, is now an interactive experience available 24/7, leading to problematic use resembling addiction for some. Psychotherapist Orlagh Reid advocates a shame free approach that helps people regain their quality of life.
Irish Independent Article by Suzanne Harrington, Tue 27 May 2025 at 02:30
READ THE FULL ONLINE ARTICLE HERE VIA IRISH INDEPENDENT
Once upon a time, porn was a secretive, passive visual experience – magazines and films. Quaint things called ‘blue movies’. Today, sexual content is a secretive, interactive 24/7 experience, catering for preferences you didn’t even know you had; an infinite library of sexual content in our phone, permanently available, much of it free. Whatever you want, it’s there.
And unlike the olden days, you can interact directly with sexual content providers via live platforms.
Pornhub, the world’s biggest sexual content site, has done some porn maths: 18 to 34-year-olds make up 51pc of global traffic, 35 to 54-year-olds account for 31pc, while 55 to 64-year-olds make up 11pc of traffic and over 65s just 7pc. It’s not all men – 38pc of site visitors are women, up 7pc in 2024. Globally, 90.5pc of us access porn on our phones.
Irish users, who rank 42nd of all global users (we are 125th globally in terms of population), spend an average of 9 minutes and 38 seconds per search (31 seconds less than the global average). Last year, Ireland’s favourite Pornhub searches were ‘Irish’, ‘milf’ and ‘lesbian’. Gen Z preferences reflect their overall online life, overlapping into gaming and anime. An ESRI study from 2022 showed that 64pc of young Irish men regularly use porn, compared with 13pc of young Irish women.
The great majority of people use porn non-problematically – that is, our using behaviour does not develop into a process addiction. We just come and go, as it were, or incorporate it into our sexual partnerships.
But, like gambling or gaming, for some users porn can become a problem; except unlike gambling or gaming, we don’t talk about it. We don’t see public health information warning us about porn addiction, or what to do if we feel we need to stop. This adds layers of shame and secrecy to seeking help.
Once upon a time, porn was a secretive, passive visual experience – magazines and films. Quaint things called ‘blue movies’. Today, sexual content is a secretive, interactive 24/7 experience, catering for preferences you didn’t even know you had; an infinite library of sexual content in our phone, permanently available, much of it free. Whatever you want, it’s there.
And unlike the olden days, you can interact directly with sexual content providers via live platforms.
Pornhub, the world’s biggest sexual content site, has done some porn maths: 18 to 34-year-olds make up 51pc of global traffic, 35 to 54-year-olds account for 31pc, while 55 to 64-year-olds make up 11pc of traffic and over 65s just 7pc. It’s not all men – 38pc of site visitors are women, up 7pc in 2024. Globally, 90.5pc of us access porn on our phones.
Irish users, who rank 42nd of all global users (we are 125th globally in terms of population), spend an average of 9 minutes and 38 seconds per search (31 seconds less than the global average). Last year, Ireland’s favourite Pornhub searches were ‘Irish’, ‘milf’ and ‘lesbian’. Gen Z preferences reflect their overall online life, overlapping into gaming and anime. An ESRI study from 2022 showed that 64pc of young Irish men regularly use porn, compared with 13pc of young Irish women.
The great majority of people use porn non-problematically – that is, our using behaviour does not develop into a process addiction. We just come and go, as it were, or incorporate it into our sexual partnerships.
But, like gambling or gaming, for some users porn can become a problem; except unlike gambling or gaming, we don’t talk about it. We don’t see public health information warning us about porn addiction, or what to do if we feel we need to stop. This adds layers of shame and secrecy to seeking help.
She adds that the term ‘porn addiction’ is “widely used in non-clinical terms, in research, and many clients present using [it]”. As well as offering online support, she also works with men (95pc of her porn addiction clients are men) in a one-to-one therapeutic setting.
“A lot of men will come into therapy because they’ve been caught using porn, so are there because they feel have to be there to restore faith in their relationship, rather than being committed to change,” she says. “Others come in because they want to change – they realise their porn use is taking away from their quality of life and want to change.”
Reid begins with a full assessment looking at their behaviours, what and how they access porn online, plus any underlying trauma or neurodivergence.
“We look at the process of unravelling the behaviour and creating new habits,” she says. Porn addiction can leave people feeling moody, withdrawn, distracted, secretive, and often in deep denial – much like any other addiction.
“People with problematic porn usage are used to seeing the world through a sexual lens,” says Reid. “A lot of the recovery process involves detoxing – changing their relationship with their smartphone. Deleting apps, emails, anything that ties them to pornographic content.
“So much of the work – I’d say 80pc – is psycho-educational. Helping people understand their own processes, improve stress management, looking at how much time they’re spending online, their sexual script – like what’s going on that’s making them invest so much time in porn? What’s happening with rest of their lives?”
Reid uses the Stages of Change from SMART Recovery, which outlines the addiction cycle. “We use this model in addiction recovery to help people understand where they are in the process of change,” she says. “So we have a contemplative phase, where the person has identified they have a problem. They may have known for 10 or 20 years, started using porn in their teens and are in their 40s now.
“If they want to make changes, they move into the preparation phase – assessment, looking at what else is going on. I see a lot of men who have ADHD, or are neurodivergent, really struggle with porn. During this stage, they may talk to their partners, close down apps, change their relationship with their phone, look at their overall quality of life. For Gen Z, so much of their life is online. It can be a slow process.
“The next step is the action phase, where they learn to be in the world without the impulse to use porn. What it’s like to feel the feelings without acting out or being impulsive. Learning to regulate their emotions without this mood altering experience. It’s a whole lifestyle change. It can take a long time. I work with people for up to three years [post-porn use] .” It’s not always a linear process. People’s denial can kick in again.
“There can be a lot of guilt and shame, regret, remorse, self esteem issues, traumatic sexual experiences,” she adds. “People are very rarely worried about the sexual exploitation, and most people don’t consider the risks when they are downloading content. It can be potentially offending behaviour. I don’t work with anyone who is offending online.”
She identifies two kinds of users – those who are “really invested in the whole world of porn – they enjoy it as much as they enjoy sport”. And those who use it for “the quick mood altering high, the ejaculation, the dopamine buzz”.
She continues, “it’s a process addiction, so we use the same strategies and approaches as we would for gambling, gaming, shopping, etc. What makes it more complex is the sexual element”. Just as those recovering from disordered eating still have a desire for food, people recovering from problematic porn use “need to separate the healthy sexual person from the behaviour and content of porn”.
In terms of the nitty gritty – whether people should or should not masturbate when detoxing from porn – Reid says there is no one size fits all. 12-Step fellowships like Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous advocate a strictly no masturbation approach, whereas Reid’s approach is more contemporary. “It’s healthy to tune back into that part of yourself so long as it’s not impulsive or compulsive,” she says. And it doesn’t involve your phone: “It’s such a big challenge, having porn in your pocket.”
While the recovery approach is the same for everyone, she says that the trajectory can vary depending on the individual: “How long they’ve been using porn, the type of content they use, their sexual relationship – which is often used to rationalise their behaviour.” (Problem users may cite their partners’ differing sexual preferences, libido, etc, as a reason for their problematic porn use; Reid says this is straightforward denial.)
As with any addiction, the more you use, the more you use. “What I’m also seeing is men taking more risks while using porn,” she says. “As well as accessing illegal content, they may be watching porn while minding their kids. Or people who are married or in committed relationships may be paying for cam sex, which could be construed as infidelity. It’s a broad spectrum of problems when it comes to porn.”
She says that the biggest problem is that it’s a hidden addiction: “Do they tell their partner they’re in recovery? Do they tell their partner they’re giving up something they’ve always hidden? What can be hard for people to do is to open up with total integrity. Part of the recovery work is building social relations. It’s very similar to recovery from other behaviours or substances – lifting the person out of the behaviour.
“The number of people who say they’d have a PhD by now if they didn’t dedicate so much time to their porn use… Time is what people notice most – that they could have done so many fruitful, valuable things, rather than viewing porn.”
She notices age related differences when it comes to tackling problematic porn use. “The [addiction] characteristics are the same,” she says. “But men in their 20s are way more open about porn – they’ll talk to their friends about it. It’s more normalised for them.
However, she says that older men aren’t so tech savvy, so are more likely to get caught: “Also. the risks and consequences are higher – ‘if I tell my partner, will we separate and have to sell the house?’. So they’re less likely to talk about it – there’s a lot more shame involved. They may be trying to get to therapy without their partner knowing.”
This secrecy and shame is what prompted Reid to open an online space for men to come to speak about their problem porn use.
“The reason I set up the 30 Day Reset is about being open about talking about porn in 2025,” she says. “You can be sex positive and still give up pornography, be happy, get on with your life. You’re with other men doing the same thing. It’s a positive thing, a way to have healthy conversations about giving up porn, and finding acceptance and normalisation around not using porn – whether you’re 20 or 50.
“Thirty days at a time. It’s not about being a prude – it’s a chance for people to come and talk about their relationship with porn. It’s simple, practical and solution focused – and shame free.”
