You might feel alone but you are not alone in your questions about Vaginismus!

In today’s Vaginismus series blog, I wanted to share the many common questions about vaginismus and the voices of women from my practice and the vaginismus community. Vaginimsus is a confusing condition for so many, and Ireland’s lack of information and services adds to the problem. Take a read of over 30 questions women ask themselves and me about their vaginismus.

There are so many inner questions about vaginismus symptoms women have which I share below. I do not answer these questions in this blog – but I will in a future one. My goal is simply to validate your questions and concerns and help you believe that other women are thinking the exact same things that you are. You might feel alone but you are not alone in your questions and concerns.

Come join me in a Vaginimsus and Co Community monthly online Zoom, visit the events page for details.

But, it is also not unique to vaginismus symptoms, typically Irish women still feel shame about their bodies, it’s not you – it’s society. We have been programmed and conditioned to be judgemental of ourselves, and disconnect from our sexual self unlike men and feel shame about sex and sexual problems. We also procrastinate about getting help and don’t prioritise our sexual health the way we do physical health.

Many women like you feel alone with these conditions largely because it’s difficult to talk about, embarrassing for many and like many sexual-related conditions, undiscussed openly. Fear not! I am here to share the many common questions women have about vaginismus so that you don’t feel like you’re going stir-crazy. You may feel alone, but you are not alone in your concerns and questions.

Questions about vaginismus.

So here we go…

If I have vaginismus and other women do too, why is no one talking about it?

I’ve never been able to have sex, is there something wrong with my body?

I feel like my body won’t do what I want it to do, why is this happening?

What does the pelvic floor muscle group have to do with vaginismus?

I’m avoiding everything to do with this problem and yet it’s on my mind all the time. How can I get unstuck?

Is this problem in my head or my body? I feel so confused.

I’ve spent so much time trying to understand why this has happened, is there always a specific reason?

I’ve never had any trauma or abuse so why is this happening to me?

How do I stay motivated and inspired to keep managing the condition when it feels like I’m not getting anywhere?

I’m really afraid to address is this problem and feel overwhelmed, what do I do?

Am I making this problem worse by worrying about it all the time?

Why is sex and penetration so easy for everyone else and not me?

How do I start to make small steps and feel good about myself again?

I can orgasm and enjoy sex but I can’t tolerate penetration, what do I need to do?

I’m kind of afraid of my vagina and feeling pain, what should I do?

How long will it take to resolve this problem, I’m so impatient.

I used to be able to have penetration with no problem but something has changed, what do I do?

My GP is not taking me seriously and I feel angry and lost, who else can I go to instead?

The advice I got from my GP was not helpful and made me feel like it was my fault. What can I do by myself to deal with this?

The idea of dilators is too much, where else can I start?

What is a dilator and how could that help me with vaginismus symptoms?

Should I do psychosexual therapy and work with a pelvic physio at the same time?

What books can I read that will help me understand this?

I feel disconnected from my vagina, and I’m afraid of it, how do I change my mindset?

I feel so much fear and overwhelmed about vaginismus symptoms, how do I stop being so fearful?

I experienced childhood sexual abuse and I know this caused vaginismus for me, where should I start?

I really want to date someone but I’m afraid they won’t understand what I am going through. How do I deal with this with confidence?

I don’t think I will ever be able to overcome this problem, is it really possible?

I’ve never had an orgasm and I can’t tolerate penetration but I want to connect more fully with my sexual self, where do I start?

How do I soothe my anxiety about sex and my body?

Fear of pain is at the forefront of my thoughts, how do I begin to enjoy intimacy again?

How can I help my partner to support and understand this better?

I keep trying different things but I feel like nothing works. What am I doing wrong?

What is the connection between vaginismus symptoms and the sexual self? I’m feeling disconnected from that part of myself.

I feel like my vaginimsus symptoms are a big secret I am carrying around. How do I overcome this problem?

What’s wrong with me that I can’t tell my friends or family? It’s so embarrassing and yet I know they will support me because I would support them.

I can’t get my head around telling my GP or going to a gynaecologist just yet. What steps could I take to get me to that place?

I know the things I think about my body and vagina are not my own, they are from growing up, how do I change how I think about myself?

How do I work through all the fearful thoughts I have about myself and my body?

I’ve been doing dilators but I don’t see the point in them anymore, what’s next?

I can do dilators find but when it comes to sex I’m still blocked. Why is this happening?

I promise that I will answer many of these questions in some way in a future blog. I hope that you feel validated reading these questions and start to believe that you are not alone in your thoughts, fears and questions about vaginismus. I encourage you to bravely begin to explore all your questions with a psychosexual therapist who can support you right now and to come join me in the Vaginimus and Co Community where we will be discussing all these common concerns and questions the best way we can. Take a read of the other vaginismus blog series articles which may answer some of these questions for you.

Recent Vaginismus blog articles

Orlagh Reid Psychotherapy

Orlagh Reid

Orlagh Reid is an IACP accredited Counsellor & Psychotherapist, Addiction Counsellor, Gottman Couples Therapist and Fertility Counsellor in private practice based in Co. Kildare, Ireland and worldwide online via DOXY. She specialises in addiction, recovery, well-being and clinical sexology. To find out more or to book an online consultation visit

Orlagh Reid Psychotherapy MIACP Therapy Ireland

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